no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
