so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
