I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
