hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
