Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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