the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
