The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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