this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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