I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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