don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
