omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize