btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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