I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
