When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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