so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
