He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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