what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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