she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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