She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
