so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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