Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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