Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love having hate sex.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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