I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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