It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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