Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Someone shattered a urinal.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
