idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
