Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
