my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life