i was born a porn star she said
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms