Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wear drunk well.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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