I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis