My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?