everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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