can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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