help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
