i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
