Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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