Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
