I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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