The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
