Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
