i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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