They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
