I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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