I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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