Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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