Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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