I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
