I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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