seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Quick, to the slutcave!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
