I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
