The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
