My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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