susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
