I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
