How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
