I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
