some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
