I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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