I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
