someone threw a dead crab at me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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