I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
