he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
