i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
