Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
