I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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