i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
